Like your standard ‘matches to make next’, but with an emphasis on fantasy and a disregard for probability. Basically, fights that should happen, but probably won’t.

Jessica Andrade: Two sides of a particularly violent coin

Habitual liar and known prick, Dana Trump has confirmed that Jessica Andrade will be getting the next shot at strawweight champ, Joanna Jedrzejczyk. This means that the fight may or may not happen at some point in the future. As you were, basically.

Fun though that match up may sound, there’s a fight out there for Andrade that makes it look like Shields vs. Fitch 2.

Diminutive Brazilian, incapable of taking a backwards step, bludgeoning windmills of death, relentlessly violent, seemingly unbothered by getting face punched.

You could be describing Jessica Andrade, or you could be talking about the UFC’s premiere catchweight, John Lineker!

Ok, so Andrade is a strawweight… What’s 20 pounds between friends? It’s not like Lineker ever makes weight anyway.

Ok, so Andrade is a woman… This is the only problem with an otherwise damn fine idea. Just make it happen in one of those unregulated countries, like the UK!

Curtis Blaydes: Justice.

Adam Milstead didn’t tell his corner about his knee bent in the wrong direction. Well, not the first time it happened, anyway.

He didn’t tell me either, but I could hear him screaming from the comfort of my front room. I could also see him hobble, that helped me to determine something was wrong, even before the replay was shown on TV (and on the massive screens displayed throughout the venue).

Fighters are animals, they cannot be trusted to make decisions themselves and are not capable of taking responsibility for their own actions inside the cage. As their legal guardians, the cornering team are therefore to blame for any injuries sustained as a result of their fighter continuing beyond the point of stupidity.

It’s only fair that justice is served.

You think it’s fine to fight Curtis Blaydes at a serious disadvantage? You get in there. One by one, Milstead’s corner should be fed to Blaydes, only granted mercy as and when the injured heavyweight deems fit.

“Oh, he broke both your legs? Run it off, you’ll be fine. Just move your head. A lot.”

Chan Sung Jung: Nope. Never heard of him.

Apparently some guy named ‘Chan Sung Jung’ was fighting on Saturday, didn’t hear his name mentioned at any point…