Like your standard ‘matches to make next’, but with an emphasis on fantasy and a disregard for probability. Basically, fights that should happen, but probably won’t.
Valentina Shevchenko: Embrace The Chaos, Belts For Everyone!
When Valentina Shevchenko and Amanda Nunes first locked horns, or whatever a ‘Lioness’ and a ‘Bullet’ can lock, at UFC 196, there was a smell of destiny in the air. Somehow we just knew: “These two are going to meet again, and it’ll be for the belt!”
In the most anticipated rematch since ‘Jacaré’ Souza and Chris Camozzi’s utterly futile shot-by-shot remake, Nunes and Shevchenko look set to remind us just how shallow women’s bantamweight truly is. With both fighters having only competed twice since they last met inside the Octagon, we find ourselves running this one back but with higher stakes.
The issue here is not the rematch, it’s that it simply HAS to happen. Well, that and what it could potentially leave us with. If Nunes beats Shevchenko, as she already did only 10 months ago, there are no obvious challengers left. What remains is a top ten filled with failed title challengers, newly recruited featherweights and Ronda Rousey.
Here’s the solution…
Stop playing with reason or logic, let’s McGregor the shit out of the situation. Create a 125b title for Shevchenko and Jessica Andrade to battle it out, give Nunes the winner of Holly Holm and Germaine de Randamie, and create a pointless interim title at bantamweight (as is the fashion). Should Holm win on February 11, you’re then left with the following engineered nonsense:
- The first female fighter to have held a belt in two weight classes (Holm)
- A ‘superfight’ between two actual belt holders
- A guaranteed two-division champ (Nunes or Holm)
- Another new champion (Shevchenko or Andrade)
- A new interim champion at bantamweight (just pick the names out of a fucking hat)
Given the absolute comedy afforded to the men’s divisions of late, why make a fight you don’t have to? Fuck it, let McGregor fight Shevchenko. Or Floyd Mayweather. Or your nan.
Who the fuck even cares anymore?
Donald Cerrone: We’ll Tell You When You’re Done, Donald
Well, this one’s simple, fight Jorge Masvidal again.
If being unconscious wasn’t enough to end the fight, no need to let something silly like announcing a winner get in the way of carrying this one on. It didn’t matter when Herb Dean clearly stepped in before the bell, and Cerrone’s corner didn’t seem to mind sending their man back out there when he was basically asleep.
Get back in there with him now, Donald.
Francis Ngannou: Respect Your Elders
Heavyweight is, ironically, a thin division. It’s also a place where the older gentleman can go to stay relevant. If you’re an ageing light-heavyweight looking for longevity, put down the asparagus, step away from the treadmill and get on the McBurgers. Pile on those pounds and make your way to the land that time forgot, you’ve earned it!
About five years ago, Andrei Arlovski was suffering his fourth consecutive loss – three of which ended in a soul destroying KO/TKO. Fast forward four years and there’s talk of Arlovski fighting for UFC gold again, having put together a six-fight win streak that included a perfect 4-0 start to his second run in the Octagon.
Come back to the present and he’s back on a four-fight skid, THIS IS HOW HEAVYWEIGHT WORKS.
It’s downright rude when the ‘younger’ athletes (below 35) come along and upset the balance. Francis Ngannou is 30. Francis Ngannou is fucking it up for everyone.
Who do I think Ngannou should fight next? Quite frankly, I’m not sure he should even be allowed to. Derrick Lewis is the answer you all want to hear, (assuming he gets past Travis Browne), but I’m not on board. This is a senior’s division and the Frenchman/Cameroonian has yet to earn the right to enjoy its pastures.
Come back in five years when you’re really ready to be a heavyweight, kid.
