Like your standard ‘matches to make next’, but with an emphasis on fantasy and a disregard for probability. Basically, fights that should happen, but probably won’t.
Conor McGregor: Fun’s over, do your job
Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo. Jose Aldo.
This will probably be the most MMA-fan line I’ll ever write, but I feel like we never really got to see the McGregor vs. Aldo fight – 13 seconds just wasn’t long enough to satisfy all those in-my-head scenarios I’d been dribbling to see. Getting blasted before Goldberg’s had enough time to reel off all the sponsors doesn’t demand an immediate rematch, and I say that knowing that basically anything can get you a second bite at the cherry these days.
Jose Aldo had gone 27 years without losing a fight, he’s since made Frankie Edgar look like a total wasteman, bouncing back stronger than famed Anglian DJ, Alan Partridge. There’s definitely a case now for another crack at McGregor.
Oh, and Aldo is the interim featherweight champion, defend your fucking belt.
Anthony Johnson: FFS
All round piece of shit, Anthony Johnson disappointed every decent human being alive by not doing the decent thing and taking a beating.
Johnson is a terrifying man, inside and out of the cage, there’s every chance he takes out poor old Daniel Cormier when they meet again – WE CANNOT STAND BY AND LET THIS HAPPEN. My solution: Magny this motherfucker! You want a title shot? You need to go through the entire division, twice. Destroying Glover Teixeira in mere seconds should warrant a title shot, but that’s not what I have in mind for everyone’s favourite domestic abuser.
Congratulations on your win, Anthony, enjoy your featured Fight Pass prelim bout against:
Artem Lobov: He’s here on merit
So they finally got Lobov his UFC win, huzzah.
Despite losing in the elimination round of TUF 22 and losing his first two fights in the UFC, Artem Lobov got another go around in the Octagon, and what a challenge it was. Chris Avila was brought in to get Conor’s mate a win and he performed his task to perfection. Coach Kavanagh has clearly been working that leg kick game, as Lobov chopped down Avila’s left leg throughout, rendering Avila (somehow) even more toothless than he already was.
This monumental win guarantees Lobov at least another 17 fights in the UFC, something we can all get behind.
Give him a blind, deaf, badly beaten kitten next.
Donald Cerrone: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
Donald Cerrone has EIGHTEEN wins in the UFC. EIGHTEEN.
There’s not really much more to add to that. Cerrone took Rick Story out with a video game, mega combo finish that basically included every kind of strike you can legally leather your opponent with. It was a thing of beauty, and exactly the sort of performance we’ve come to expect from Cerrone in non-title/high stakes fights.
Is Donald Cerrone a contender at welterweight? Does he even want to be? So long as he fights 10-15 times a year, do we really care who he gets in there with? Given the purpose of this article, let’s assume everybody does.
Kelvin Gastelum sounds like fun, and fun is what you want from Donald Cerrone.
