Brad Wharton’s pissed off to Wales for the weekend, so I’m left to pick up the pieces and deliver this week’s gambling gold.
Cage Warriors have hit the bottom of the barrel, allowing Brad to pollute the airwaves once more as he calls the fights with Mr Ian Dean tonight. We’re suggesting you join us in the Wharton drinking game. The rules are as follows:
Every time Brad makes a pun – DRINK
Every innuendo – DRINK
Swear word – TWO SHOTS
If he makes a pass at Ian – DOWN IT
Removed from the venue – DRINK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT
THE STANDINGS
|
Rank |
Name |
Bankroll |
|---|---|---|
|
1 |
Lloyd Wharton |
£21.57 |
|
2 |
Ben Heather |
£18.00 |
|
3 |
JJ Saddington |
£13.79 |
|
4 |
Martin Ives |
£8.95 |
|
5 |
Brad Wharton |
£8 |
|
6 |
Chris Scadden |
£4 |
|
7 |
Thomas Young |
£0 |
THE CARD
Rule Britannia! God bless the Queen! Viva ‘Iron’ Mike Bisping! Hail King David Beckham!
UFC 199 is a quivering, cowering wreck. Bow before Magic Mike and his mighty British/Polish girth. Tremble at the feet of your new leader, Count Bisping.
There are other fights, but y’all don’t care about any of that. Michael Bisping has somehow found his way into the most unlikely of title shots, in one of the most unnecessary of rematches. Long campaigning for a shot at UFC gold, Bisping gets his wish about five years past his athletic prime, and against a man who choked him out with one hand.
Fate is a prick, Mike.
Cruz vs. Faber makes up the co-main event, as the 37-year old California ‘Kid’ Uriah Faber is granted his 73rd UFC title shot. Will it be 74th time lucky for the Alpha Male?
No, probably not. Still, should be fun.
Worth a watch is Holloway vs. Lamas, as the featherweight division proves yet again that there’s more to 145lbs than that Irish guy who keeps talking about boxing. There’s also a battle of Kings on the Fight Pass prelims, naturally.
THE BETS
All bets are ‘to win’ unless otherwise denoted.
JJ Saddington: Third place is the new first. Until Lloyd blows it all and I move into second, then that’s the place to be. Let’s just say I’m the horse to back right now. Other than Ben Heather, that is.
Lamas – £1
Breese/Rockhold – £1
The method behind the madness: If you can call ‘accidentally putting the wrong bet on’ a method, then sure, that’s what happened. Went to remove my bet on Lamas, slip of the finger, bet placed. FML.
Ben Heather: Usually the sensible bettor among us, Mr Heather has lost his shit this week, choosing to throw his (albeit small) wagers on some seriously long odds.
Faber by submission/Henderson to finish/Bisping to finish parlay – 50p
Faber by submission – £1
Breese/Cruz by decision/Bisping vs. Rockhold under 1.5 rounds parlay – £6.50
The method behind the madness: Reasons for these picks… Who doesn’t like a 714/1 treble!!
I also don’t think Faber wins, but if he does he may sneak a cheeky sub in there.
As for the realistic bet: I don’t think Bisping has much of a chance and think he will finished early. I hope I’m wrong. As for Cruz by decision and Breese? I’m optimistic on these.
Oh and Sorry Thom, better luck next time pal.
Chris Scadden: The only analogue gambler among us, Scadds deserves credit just for stepping foot inside a bookies and chatting cage fighting. It’s brown panty time now as Scadden desperately tries to stay in the competition with a bold 6-fight parlay.
Rockhold/Cruz/Lamas/Poirier/Ortega/Penne parlay – £2
The method behind the madness: £4 down to £2 with this bet. Must… Keep… Going.
Brad Wharton:
Cruz or Faber to win by Unanimous Decision/Breese/Rockhold by KO or DQ/Lombard by KO or DQ) – £2
The method behind the madness: They say that a sensible gambler never chases their losses, but I am neither sensible nor a gambler. Tonight I shall pray for horrible knockouts, five rounds of bantamweight jab-tag and another UFC win for The Breese. Next week, I may just chuck some money down a grid.
Lloyd Wharton: Wharton the Younger held back last week, saving up for a massive splooge on The Count. Like foolish Thom before him, Lloyd is going shit or bust, staking his entire wedge on Bisping doing the unthinkable/unlikely.
Bisping to win – £21.57
The method behind the madness: Apparently it’s “the year for it” and Bisping was “doing OK in the first fight [with Rockhold] until the head collision.”
Follies of youth.
Thomas Young: Poor Thom! The first to crash out of the competition. Thom will tell you that luck wasn’t on his side, but quite frankly he ‘never made it as a wise man’, blowing his load at the first opportunity.
Martin Ives: Martin slipped under his initial stake for the first time last week, this has clearly panicked him, causing a total loss of testicular fortitude. Instead of picking a winner, Martin has decided to plum for the headline event making it into the championship rounds. On second thoughts, this is pretty ballsy…
Rockhold vs. Bisping to make it to round 4/5 or decision – £2.45
The method behind the madness: Almeida let me down last time out, so this is the first time I’m under a tenner in the kitty. Betting on the headline bout going to the championship rounds is a solid wager as they’re both cardio machines, and a glistening Rockhold is all you need on a Sunday morning. Phwoar!
