Bellator UK: What A Load Of Pointless Shit

Bellator, MMA’s finest purveyor of Pointless Shit™, announced their long awaited (?) debut on UK soil last Monday. They’ve been teasing it since forever, under the possibly misguided belief that their absolute lack of a live UK broadcast deal thus-far has fans so riled up that they will part with cash at the drop of a hat to experience Bellator’s premium brand of Pointless Shit™ live.

You can’t blame them though, can you? For all Bjorn Rebney did to promote the (somewhat) unique tournament format and those unheralded stars of tomorrow, Bellator Version 1’s ratings paled into insignificance when put side-by-side with the three hours of Pointless Shit™ that was Shamrock vs. Gracie and That Bum with the Beard vs That Other Bum with the Haircut that Nearly Died.

This is the reality of modern MMA.

SCUM SCUM SCUM

Even here within our beloved UKMMA bubble – where everyone is scared of piping up because we’re all so tight – the consensus was that Paul Daley acted like a five star bellend when he assaulted Josh Koscheck after the bell at UFC Whatever back in two-thousand and something.

It was – and remains – inexcusable. Daley was trampled for three stagnant, repetitive rounds by a man who had mastered the all-round game of MMA far better than he. Was it boring? Yes. Was it a let down? Absolutely. Was Koscheck the better man? 100%.

While never one to shy from a bit of lip himself, Daley was unable to act like a sportsman once the contest was complete, jumping Koscheck after the final bell when the latter apparently had some choice insults to share. The exact words escape me at the time of writing, but I can only imagine it took something devastatingly soul-crushing like “Yo momma so fat…” to draw this model athlete’s ire.

Daley was vilified and rightly so. In a sport that allows you to wreak physical havoc upon your fellow man, few could understand why – outside of a fragile ego – ‘Semtex’ (for whom this was not his first defeat) would let himself and the sport down so badly.

Regardless, the unwashed masses craved a Daley-Koscheck rematch ever since. Why? Possibly because as the years have sailed by, Daley (who has for the most part scored a steady stream of victories against less-than-world-class opposition) has looked better and better, while Kos has appeared increasingly fragile each time out. An emphatic UK victory is all but guaranteed.

SO ISN’T IT JUST A LOAD OF POINTLESS SHIT™?

Similar could be said of James Thompson’s rematch with Kimbo Slice. While as a slightly-more-qualified-than-most-but-still-unqualified person I can’t offer a 100% legitimate verdict, I do feel that Thompson was somewhat shafted in his original, ear-popping encounter with ‘Slice’.

And while an immediate rematch – or one but a handful of years later – may have raised pulses, is there any real merit to Slice vs Thompson 2 in 2016? ‘The Colossus’, in his wonderfully introspective blogs, has freely admitted that his issues outside of the cage have far overshadowed his efforts inside it in recent years.

He’s hurt. He gambles. There’s other stuff.

But then Kimbo’s glorious return to the cage (a win by TKO: the other guy nearly died) gave the Scott Coker carnival troupe executive licence for a show that will do a killing off the back of a load of Pointless Shit™.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Daley vs. Koscheck exists solely to stroke the shafts of that special kind of MMA fan who thought ‘Semtex’ was fully justified in lamping his man when they first fought, but knew that Daley didn’t stand a chance against a D1 wrestler in anything resembling his prime. It’s the MMA equivalent of tying a dude’s hands behind his back and tossing him in against a prime, raging bull.

Thompson vs. Slice is an exercise in pure sadism; nothing good comes of a win for either man and all Bellator’s chips are down on a hilarious, highlight-reel KO…preferably before someone collapses of a near-heart attack this time.

And yes, perennial UK favourite Rob Sinclair will be on the card. And yes, Michael Page will probably get another free(ish) pass. Hopefully a few other domestic faces will get a decent wedge to make their Bellator curtain call too.

But when you read the next bullshit tabloid repost against MMA, or you roll your eyes as a broadsheet know-nothing writes it off as some barbaric side-show, remember that your heralded the day that Bellator came to these shores with Daley vs. Koscheck and Kimbo vs. Thompson 2.

What a load of Pointless Shit™